This post is a little bit all over the place. Just read along if you wish. :)
As a stay at home mom, of 3 boys, a wife, a teacher, cook, cleaner and all the rest, the majority of the time I feel like I am failing, failing at being a good mom/wife.
I am writing this because I have been thinking about a lot of different aspects over the last several weeks. Not to get attention, or a pat on the back. Just my thoughts of how things are for me.
There is a lot of pressure (as we all know) mostly, I think, from ourselves. My husband doesn't hassle me if the floor isn't spotless, the boys {usually} don't complain about their clothes not being put away. But, I feel like I have disappointed or let them and {mostly} myself down because I can't get it all done. It is just impossible. In the amount of hours of the day that I have with preparing food, 20 minutes of exercise school, breaking up fights, or letting the boys play together because they actually aren't fighting, and all the rest, I just can't get it done. I can't. And because I can't get the house cleaned up, or the dishes done, or the floor cleaned up of crumbs, I feel like I am not doing my best.
I have a friend that has been living in Romania for the last 7 years working with YWAM (Youth with a Mission). Just that alone, is amazing to me. But, she and her team, have also started to get local kids into school, and helping share the love of God with the locals in their area. Again, amazing. She herself recently got married and is back in Ashland with her new husband to have a baby in July. (Which I am SO EXCITED ABOUT!!!!) But, she has been telling me lately that I am a super mom. And my response is "ya right. Nice try. I am really anything but that." Not the greatest reply! Why do I feel like that? Because of pressure. I feel like I can't live up to my standards or yet alone any other "mom" standards! I compare myself to other moms. I'm not doing this like so and so, or I should be better at this like so and so.
Today, at church during worship, the Lord was really moving over everyone. The worship leader and Pastor encouraged us to talk to God. To go to the alter and pray before Him if needed. One of the first people I saw go to the alter was, the worship leaders son, who is about 13 and in 1 exact instant I started to cry. My heart was crying and I was crying praying for my boys. That they themselves at their currents ages, at 13, 17, 21, 30 and so on will just love the Lord and want to put Him first always! My prayer this morning was for me to have the Lord's wisdom on how to help guide them and show them how to love the Lord. Another area where I feel like I fail.
After the sermon, which was about being fisherman of men and serving the Lord in our every day lives, I realized {again} that my 3 sons are my ministry. They are who I need to be encouraging in the Lord. They are where I am needing to put my time and effort so that they do fall in love with the Lord and have their own relationships with Him. I pray that I can do that. I pray that they will love their youth group like I did. I pray they will always be involved in their church. I pray that they will continue to have friends that love the Lord and who want to also put Him first.
I think, today, I realized how scary (being a parent really is) and how easy it can be to go down the "what if" road. What if they rebel? What if they don't like church? What if...blah blah blah. BUT! God is more powerful than all of those what ifs. He is our awesome God who does miracles, and who can help keep His children where they need to be! He is the mighty God who breaks strongholds! He is an awesome God, who I know will help me do the right thing with my kiddos.
I guess that is about it for now. :) Hope you are enjoying your Sunday. We are cozied up in our house as it is dumping sheets of rain on and off right now! Crazy spring weather!
ALoHa!
